You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
