Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
