She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
