It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
