So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
