Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
