Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
