1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
