he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
