break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Randomize
