He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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