I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
