I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
