ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
