think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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