my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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