everyone is single if you try hard enough
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
