the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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