Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
