Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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