Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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