grandma shit on top of the toilet
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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