Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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