why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
