Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
