The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
