dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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