Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
