If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
