I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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