All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
