Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
