Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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