Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
