I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
