Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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