i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
