My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
