I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
