you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
