I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
