Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize