it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
