She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
