If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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