I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize