I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
