all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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