I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
