...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
