onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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