He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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