I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
