Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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