I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
