I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
