a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
