ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
