I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
