do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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