woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
