College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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