I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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