You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
