Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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