Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
