I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you win again, gameday.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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