I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
