pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
