I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
