Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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