you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
