apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
