I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
