I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
