you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
