the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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