Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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