While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
