Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
