i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
