I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've blown a few things in my day
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
