New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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