I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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