I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
